Sep 29, 2008


I used to think that I am unimportant, to the point where I can wholeheartedly admit that I can die at any point in my life and I would have no regrets. Why? Because I live my life fullest to the point where I leave no marks of regrets. Yea, everyone looks back and wishes that they had done things differently. Well I'd rather spend time thinking how i would do things differently in the future than worry about what happened. Learning from it, yes, losing sleep over it, no. That's how the no regret, I can die anytime thing came on.

I always told myself that unless I get kids, otherwise there are no responsibilities big enough to a point where I cant be replaced. Honestly, unless you are a major political figure or mother teresa, chances are that the regular day you and me can be replaced at any point. Imagine your boss hired someone else to take your place. There would be that 1-2 months training period but ultimately, you can be replaced.

It gets really depressing if I continue. How should we value ourselves / our existence then? The question may seem pretty big but you should really just look at two things. 1 - From the impact you made and 2 - by the people around you. I am not going to talk about 1 because i would be opening a new topic (when I am trying to close this). I didn't really realize how important I am to people around me until I am now in London. I was too young to grasp my value when I left for the US 15+ years ago, but this time I really feel it. There are just so much I can do for the people waiting for me in HK now.

I cant die just yet... not until I go back to HK and put smiles in all your faces.

Sep 25, 2008


So yea.. MBA is on its 4th week and my ass fell off already.

For the past week, i have been sleeping from 3-8:30 daily, there were 2 days I even worked until 5 before I passed out.

This wasnt what i signed up for...

bed time... I can finally sleep at 2:12 tonight! yippeee!!!

Sep 22, 2008

Something Simple

Noticed something when I see a person do public speaking. There is no need to panic, your message will come across a lot more convincingly (is that a word?) if you dont A, stutter, B, shake, or C, look down. I know its easy to say and hard to do but its really simple. You just have to believe that you have what it takes to do the speech. You cant convince others if you cant even convince yourself. You might as well give up and not do the speech really.

Confidence is the main point I would like to emphasize. A lot of people lose their confidence and worry about their performance and gets that stage fright and I understand that. But confidence is something that even if you dont have it, you can pretend like you have it. The fear of failing itself probably increases the chance of failing... Elvis Presley is amongst one of the many celebrities who gets super nervous before going on stage. I dont want to go too much into details... but I am sure public speaking in front of hundreds cant be worse than Elvis performing.

These are advices for my friends... problem is I have a teacher who panics daily during lectures...

Sep 18, 2008

Who you want to see before you die

Quick deviation before I move onto today's topic. Thanks for everyone's kind words, the heavy workload that my MBA program gives me is not giving me much time to be unhappy... so I am generally ok. As for hkgirl... I have been encouraging her to drink to death at home so I am pretty sure she has had a very wooooo week as well. Countdown to seeing each other again : 11 weeks.

back onto the original topic... it actually stem from one of my conversations with hkgirl before she went back to hong kong. Who do you want to see before you die? Think about it for a short bit before continuing...



Let me guess... you want to see the people you love the most right?

Most people would generally think that way. See and talk to the people they love the most. Talk to them for that one last time, see their faces one last time. But if you think about it, does it REALLY matter that much that you see someone for one last time before you die? You probably see these people daily or weekly anyway so that one last moment is not really going to matter that much. Plus, I really dont like the thought of having people I love giving me fake smiles in front of me.

Who would I want to see then? 3 types of people.
1 - The people who hate me the most
2 - The people who wants to apologize at me; and
3 - The people who I hate the most

It isnt hard to guess why those 3 types of people are chosen but I will briefly explain anyway..

1 - I want to give these type of people that one last chance to bitch at me, swear at me, give me shit, do random shit to me. Basically I want them to have that one last chance to f**k (not sure if blogspot allows it...) with me that one last time.
2 - I talk to some old people a lot and a lot of times they say that "I wish I had that chance to explain myself or apologize to XXX". Well I am about to die and this is your last chance. This is your last chance for redemption and chances are that I am not going to hold any grudge when my life is going to end in any minute.
3 - This is where the fun part begins. I want to be in a room with 8-10 people I want to cuss out. Imagine a old man with his dying voice "XXX! I have always hated your guts and now you will know it! You @!#!$!%!@#!#" Imagine how fun would that be. I might even come back alive after that.

You may ask ... why do I not want to see that people I want to apologize to? Honestly... regret will probably be the last time I will be thinking at that point so I am probably better of dying without it.

So yea, I strongly encourage you guys to consider my way. More importantly... this way, I will be one of the last person you think of before you die haha.

until next time

Sep 16, 2008

The Day When Tofu Is Hard To Find

Living alone means doing everything alone. You wash your clothes yourself. You cook yourself. You clean the room yourself. You prepare your gym clothes yourself. Everything done by self, get it?

So today I went to the gym for the first time since I got here to London. I had a great workout. Lifted and ran for a total of 2 and a half hours. Loads of sweat. Felt great and erased most of my negativity. BUT... then problem came. I DIDNT BRING AN EXTRA PAIR OF BOXERS!!! I actually didnt realize that I didnt bring an extra pair of boxers AFTER spending my time in the sauna in my original sweaty boxers. (Usually I go in sauna naked but all the UK people were wearing boxers inside so I figure I should just follow them) So I have the choice of wearing a pair of SOAKED boxers or not wearing them. Let's guess what I did.

I went and do groceries shopping after gym. I have been reading on how to cook a corn & tofu soup. (I should really start a topic on tofu because that's actually the only *REAL* chinese food that a common westerner will eat. I don't understand why no one else has made a point about it) Buying canned sweet corn was easy. Tofu was the difficult part. You would THINK that tofu is so common worldwide that you can get it in any supermarket. In fact, I have never been inside a US or UK supermarket that doesn't have it. Well there is a first time to everything, the supermarket I went to had NO tofu. The best alternative I had was fried tofu. I bought it and made the soup with fried tofu anyway... By the way.. the soup was a failure.

I lived in the US alone before too but I think living in HK with my mom and maid has made me totally lost my independent skills. Chances are that by the time I learn how to cook again I will be back in HK spoiled by my mom and my maids again...

oh yea... time for the answer from earlier. For the first time in my life, I didn't wear boxers inside my jeans today. The feeling was quite free, actually made me question if i should actually give up boxers...

Sep 14, 2008

I feel like shit

I have probably been crying for a minute or two . I just arrived home from sending hkgirl to the airport. Its been a while… or should I say, I have never felt this shit about life ever. Negativity can grow like a virus inside you and gives you a reason to be negative and angry about everything. Here is a list of things i found myself hating when i was on the train ride back home.

1 - I hate how there is no cell phone coverage in the london subways. I cant even say a final goodbye to hkgirl before her flight leaves.
2 - i hate how i didnt smile more for her in her week here.
3 - i hate how I had no one to talk to cos london's timezone is weird. my friends in US are still sleeping and my friends in HK just went to bed.
4 - I hate how I didnt buy much alcohol to drink myself to sleep.
5 - I hate how I cry each moment I think of her.
6 - I hate the fact that I cant go back in time.
7 - or for that matter, move time forward so I can see her sooner
8 - I hate the fact that I discovered a new level of love just as she left
9 - I hate how I couldnt tell her my feelings because I was too unhappy earlier
10 - i still hate how my cell phone still has no coverage cos I cant tell all these things to her.

these 10 thoughts hit me within a minute. It was then when i decided to just plug my iPod in and blast myself with Tricky's latest album and close my eyes. Then the on and off cell phone coverage got me several SMS's from hkgirl. I cried again.

... I guess this is how people feel like when they are forced to leave someone they love.

Sep 8, 2008

I am ok!

I have arrived...

first day in school here... spent all day learning how to use the internet, library, and where to go...

the irony of "learning" the simplest things at a high level education...

P.S. - for those of you who care, hkgirl is wandering in the street of London.

Sep 5, 2008

I had tons to write about... just that its been a very busy week and I have had no time to blog.

Countdown to UK - less than 24 hours.

I will try to update my blog but i dont expect an update until the middle of next week.

Sep 2, 2008


totally PDAing here...

I love you hkgirl. hope not much is going to change between us for this coming year...

yea this is a post